Category: The Healing Journey

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I Should Be Blogging

We’re on an adventure and a lot has changed. “We” is now five. Kristen and her daughter have moved in, we started a business (By Her Hand Tattoos), and we’re on our first vacation after a busy summer.

The top photo is from a pool pre-party at Bourbon & Beyond, a four-day music festival in Kentucky.

The kids are selling art and offering face painting in RV camping. This isn’t our usual hippie vibe kind of i7event, but we’re bringing a little weirdness to the glampers.

On day one we saw Lone Bellow, Two Runner, Brandy Clark, some of Mavis Staples, Drew Holcomb, a song from Midland, Billy Strings, Brandi Carlile, and…Train.

Bad news first. Train is as advertised. The setlist was artificially-flavored soft-serve vanilla. I’ve never listened to any of their albums, but I knew all but one song. Their covers were uninspired and they targeted me with two bands I despise (Steve Miller and The Eagles). The lead singer commented on the youth of the crowd, “Anyone old enough to remember this one?” Dude. Your first album came out in ’98. I was in college and I’m close to the mean age of the crowd. Your music is incessantly played in commercials and shows.

The performance wasn’t embarrassing, but every song sounded just like it did on FM, which made me wonder why they perform live at all.

The other performers were fantastic. As a bonus, they were all first time shows for me.

Two Runner was a new discovery and trio filled the spacious bluegrass tent with energy.

Billy Strings was as good as many friends have told me. He plays acoustic bluegrass like it’s speed metal and his band is full of musical wizards.

Brandi Carlile had more fun than anyone at the fest, including attendees. Her set was pure, uplifting joy.

The facilities and organization are top tier. The crowd is fairly boring and filthy when it comes to picking up after themselves. We’ve never been to a fest with this type of conventional vibe, but it is very well run.

We’re starting day two and I’ve snuck in a couple snacks. The weather is beautiful and I am super excited to see Wayne Newton this afternoon! His band is setting up and they are in tuxes!

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Skip the Debate, Try Listening

My father taught me how to debate and I have taught my sons.

Although most people are terrible at debating, it is an overrated skill.

What I am striving to teach myself and model for my sons is Listening.

Debating is about power, whether subtle persuasion or overt rhetorical dominance. Listening is about love. What stands out in the Gospel is how Jesus listened and responded to people. I learned too late in life that listening might be the most powerful form of love. In the least, it is a way we can love those who are strangers to us, whether they be foreign in ideology, culture, or any rooted identity.

You make more friends with listening. You learn more. Through this seemingly simple act, you can model the way you live and really persuade people that you are doing something they want a piece of. That’s the persuasion I want to excercise in the world. A persuasion of the heart, so that the person I deeply disagree with walks away from our conversation and proceeds to listen to someone they disagree with. We can all keep disagreeing, but I doubt we’ll enter greater conflict after we’ve listened to one another.

On the practical end, Yes, I would start with the New Testament. Watch Jesus with strangers, enemies, and his closest companions. He is the same Listener to them all.

Next, Iove Lex Fridman and Joe Rogan. Fridman has many guests he disagrees with and handles them with loving grace. Rogan has less challenging guests, but he is an impeccable listener. I believe it is why he is so popular. This skill is as rare as diamonds.

All that said, I still have a blood thirsty debater thrashing around inside me. The most civil and informative debate venue I know is The Soho Forum. Scott Horton recently destroyed Bill Kristol on American military interventions and it was delicious, especially since I formerly held Kristol’s position, until my transformation into a loving, listening, follower of Christ began.

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Return

I haven’t visited Mary’s resting place in a couple years. Some of it was not feeling welcome by the church that houses her cremains. Some of it was not needing that place to connect with her spirit and memory.

For Mother’s Day, my sons wanted to stop by and I was also ready to return.

The courtyard was unkempt and I had a vague feeling that this place no longer held its previous significance.

There is melancholy in that. I’m notoriously rootless and I crave special places and rituals to ground me. There is also freedom. I have taught myself how to engage with Mary’s spirit wherever I am called to it.

Through all these thoughts I turned my eyes skyward and found a remarkable rainbow above us. Although I no longer need this place, it was the right place at the right time.

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Choosing: #30DaysOfArtChallenge

Most of my process for choosing my first tattoo is composed of all the tattoos I don’t want.

I didn’t find any great ideas in this book about literary tattoos, but the story about a woman getting Eric Carle to draw his Very Hungry Caterpillar on her is cute.

Disclosure: The link below is an affiliate link, meaning I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase, with no additional cost to you.

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The WTF Moment

Kristen and I have been discussing what her own tattoo studio would look like for years.

A year ago we started looking at properties in our desired area. Prejudices met us at every phone call and email. We weren’t ready to reach out to our social circles and we felt isolated and frustrated.

We paused in our searching and concentrated on devising creative solutions. We reached out to arts groups and business-owning friends, but still there was little to encourage us.

At the beginning of this year, we both felt that we were poised for the next chapter of our lives. Co-owning a business felt so right that we decided to again dive into the world of commercial realty to see what we could discover. We found more properties, sent more emails, made more calls, filled out more web forms, and carefully pushed when we met resistance. Over and over we were turned away or ignored. It was frustrating, but signs started to appear. They were vague, but it was clear that we were meant to keep pushing. My mantra became, “This place wasn’t right for us, we were blessed to be rejected.”

Then, a few weeks ago, Reneé from Elevated Studios texted me. They were moving their school to a larger location and there was an open space adjacent to the one they were considering. She connected me directly with the landlord and the puzzle started to fall together.

The number of coincidences, synchronicities, and signs that followed is too great to list here. It has had a to-good-to-be-true feel as each new challenge is resolved with ease.

However, after a productive day of setting up hardware and software needs, an old concern from an earlier search of this same neighborhood resurfaced. There was a tattoo shop in a shopping center right around the corner that had slipped our minds. It wouldn’t stop us from our plans, but how would we be received? Should we introduce ourselves? Try to befriend them? Ignore the proximity and do our thing?

As I thought about the possible approaches, I sought out their social media feeds to get a feel for their attitude, hoping to find a mutual friend or other connection to facilitate communication.

That’s when the WTF moment hit.

The other shop moved this week. This week. Our nearest competitor just moved farther away. God is making room for us.

What The Fuck? Each confusion is followed by greater clarity and encouragement. God has had my back many times in my life. Never have I been so aware of, and affirmed by, the signs.

Tomorrow we get the keys and start moving in. We’re working hard, but the path is being laid out before us with ease. We are blessed.