The healing journey of a widowed, unschooling badass in Delaware.
Found on Facebook:
I would never abandon a friend for sharing thoughts that I found to be deplorable. I would listen with a compassionate heart and try to understand.
Shutting down conversations before they start makes people feel alone and neglected. It traps people in their own heads when they need to work things out with others.
I am where I am because I listened to people I disagreed with and cared about.
As a minority voter in a state like Delaware (also, most U.S. states), there is really no purpose in voting in a national election. That said, I’m more interested in the deep conversation over the principles behind whether to vote or not. Although I lean into Christian arguments against voting, these two conversations are entirely secular in their approaches.
I agree with Tom Woods and Dave Smith on most political issues, but I’m not convinced by their encouragements to vote in this election:
Alec Zeck and Derrick Broze discuss a freedom mindset that doesn’t entertain voting:
Oh boy.
I’ve only been to The Union Transfer three times. The first with Mary and the two subsequent visits, I was on a date and her name appeared in a song.
Mary!
I think I need savin’
I’ve been calling & praying
But I can’t get through
Mmmmm Mary
I swear that I’ll change
I’ll swear I’ll be better a man
A better man
For you
Cause I hate sleeping alone
So I’ll put myself aside
Cause since the day that you left
Shit ain’t been right
So I’m asking you baby
To please come home tonight
Hey Mary!
I’m missing your kisses
Lovemaking in the kitchen
The way we used to do
Hail Mary!
I’m saved by your grace
You’re my guardian angel
My saviour so true
Cause there’s a hole in my heart that you
Know how to heal
So I’m standing here
Outside your door
With nothing left
Wanting more
I’m fightin’ for you
Can’t you see I’m fightin for you?
This was a tough one. Jordan Mackampa has a wonderful voice and stage presence. He introduced this song as a big proclamation of love from Joseph to his Mary. The lyrics dug deep and I’m shocked the tears didn’t flow from my filled eyes.
Mary has a way of showing up on dates. She’s warned me and encouraged me and comforted me and consoled me.
This was one of those times where I think she just wanted in on the fun. Music bonded us. She would have loved both acts (The Dip was the headliner and put on an amazing performance).
The medical/government complex that has staked its success on promoting poisonous “solutions” to problems we’ve always had cures for.
FDA gives cover to food producers, clothing manufacturers, and others to use these poisons.
It is in government’s interest to have a sickly population dependent on a healthcare system they control.
I quit drinking on Halloween night, 2018. I had been a widower for eight months.
My drinking was getting more frequent and my intoxicated thoughts were getting darker. I was exhausted more and more often. My will to go on was waning.
The exhaustion finally broke the pattern. After my sons returned from trick or treating, I had only had a couple beers, but my tank was empty.
I didn’t pass out in bed so much as falling into a paralysis that drew me into unconsciousness. In that twilight before a dreamless sleep, I knew I had had my last drink.
It took seven weeks of sobriety for my mind to start working at a higher level. Once I was thinking clearly on a consistent basis, it took weeks more before I realized that I was an alcoholic. This difficult journey coincided with my first foray into romance as a widower. It may not have been the wisest to navigate these uncharted paths simultaneously, but they are inextricably woven.
My lover inspired me to look directly at my addiction and actively fight it. In turn, the vulnerability I gained may have frightened her away. She ended our romance on the week of the anniversary of Mary’s passing. It was sudden and heartbreaking. I was thrown back into confusion just as I thought I was finding clarity.
The next months brought deep healing. I prayed, read, wrote, and meditated daily. People forget the widowed after some time and I thrived in solitude.
In those months, I accepted God’s love and started to love myself. He never left and has been lifting me up since before I was a believer.
I never had a temptation after that Halloween night. I accidentally ingested tequila in a tincture once with no itch to have more. I don’t rail against drinking, but I have little interest in being around those who do. It never benefitted me and has no place in my life.
I am grateful every day for God’s Love and Word. They bolster me and inspire me to deeper healing, while still having compassion for my former patterns.
Isaiah 50:5-7 RSV — The Lord GOD has opened my ear, and I was not rebellious, I turned not backward. I gave my back to the smiters, and my cheeks to those who pulled out the beard; I hid not my face from shame and spitting. For the Lord GOD helps me; therefore I have not been confounded; therefore I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame;
Isaiah 50:10-11 RSV — Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the voice of his servant, who walks in darkness and has no light, yet trusts in the name of the LORD and relies upon his God? Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who set brands alight! Walk by the light of your fire, and by the brands which you have kindled! This shall you have from my hand: you shall lie down in torment.
Even in darkness, we are to follow God’s guidance. When we light our own fires and trust in our own wisdom, we will face the torment of our hubris.
This is impossble and unhealthly. One’s capacity to love is only as deep as one’s love for Self. We must love ourselves first before we are capable of loving another.
Look at the image. The father isn’t intact. He’s not whole. A loving parent must be whole.
Isaiah 49:1 RSV — Listen to me, O coastlands, and hearken, you peoples from afar. The LORD called me from the womb, from the body of my mother he named my name.
Isaiah 49:15 RSV — “Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.
Isaiah 49:17 RSV — Your builders outstrip your destroyers, and those who laid you waste go forth from you.
Isaiah 49:25 RSV — Surely, thus says the LORD: “Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken, and the prey of the tyrant be rescued, for I will contend with those who contend with you, and I will save your children.
The Servant is both named Israel and sent to redeem Israel.
This may be a message that only The Servant can save, even Himself. It’s the kind of paradox echoed in the Trinity and when God saves Jesus from death.
Department of Defense.
War is the health of the State. They waste money, destroy civilization, kill and maim human life, and damage the environment more than any other organization.
Holy crap, this would be awesome!
Mary and I discovered the Drops in 2011, or thereabouts, and got tickets to see them at The Queen in early 2012. Hoots & Hellmouth was added to the lineup and it was an unforgettable night. Between sets, mama Mary almost got me into a fight when we observed a young child without ear protection who clearly didn’t want to be there. We had to sacrifice a sweet spot in the pit to diffuse the situation, but still shook our backsides off to CCD (the little bit ‘o ass that Hoots left us to shake).
We saw the Carolina Chocolate Drops as a family in June of that year at the Appel Farm Arts and Music Festival. Westen was taken with their energy and we saw Rhiannon being a sweet mom at one of the kids activity tents.
Mary and I saw them at the Grand on one of our rare dates in 2013. The audience was the worst of the public radio crowd and wouldn’t get off their butts. Mary and I had amazing seats, but scooted into the wings to dance and not block anyone’s view. Unbeknownst to us, WHYY was filming the show and we saw ourselves months later on TV.
After Mary passed away, it was a special honor to take the boys to see Rhiannon Giddens in 2018 at Delfest. It was the first time they got to stay up for a proper headliner and Giddens served up a captivating performance. It wouldn’t be the last time I cried that weekend.
In 2022, Kristen and I took our kids to the Philadelphia Folk Festival. Local heroes, The Honey Badgers, were our big draw that year, but we also got to see Dom Flemons…twice. Few artists have the depth of talent and knowledge and personability that he does. He is an American treasure.
CCD hits deep in this family.
