This is a picture from our penultimate adventure as a family of four.
My two boys and I met my wife, Mary, for a home education field trip to Delaware Humane Association as arranged through Brandywine Hundred Library’s Book Club for Homeschoolers. It was a lunch time excursion to a local organization to explore, enjoy, and learn about our world. It exemplified how we lived and approached the education of our boys. Set up by a dear children’s librarian and attended by friends; we toured the facility, met rescued cats and dogs, and learned about the adoption process and dog safety.
Mary didn’t feel so well later that Tuesday. She worked from home the following day, but didn’t feel any better after lots of water and rest. On Thursday, she saw her primary care doctor who diagnosed a nasty cold virus and prescribed medicine to relieve the symptoms. Friday was better, Saturday worse. Super Bowl morning we ended up at an urgent care clinic and they diagnosed flu, influenza B was confirmed at the emergency department. It was too late for anything but more drugs to combat symptoms. We got home to watch the Eagles finish the game and I thought I just had to keep Mary comfortable enough to get over the worst of it and start to heal.
She didn’t get any useful rest and just after midnight on Monday night we were back to the emergency room. Mary’s condition over those few hours worsened quickly. The hospital diagnosed a bacterial infection alongside the influenza. She couldn’t regulate her own breathing. She had practiced yoga and mindfulness and I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t take deep breaths. After multiple approaches and efforts the doctors sedated her and employed a breathing tube to get her the oxygen she needed.
I thought this was the turn around. She had finally stopped coughing and was now getting the rest and therapy her body needed. The doctor relieved me of that notion directly, “There is a high probability of death in this case.” No, I didn’t believe it and I shared that news with too few people. I thank God that Mary didn’t overhear that conversation as I came to observe over the next few days that she was very aware of what was happening around her, even under heavy sedation.
She fought an amazingly quiet fight. She believed she could win, she probably believed she had to win. She fought and stayed alive long enough for dozens of friends and families to have a chance to see her one last time. She fought and stayed alive long enough for her boys to be there and tell her that they loved her. She fought and stayed alive long enough for me to come to some type of peace, to give me the strength and love to be a better father and to take care of our boys. That peace has been shaken in the last month, but it came back to me in my lowest hour, saved me again, just like she saved me 13 years ago, and innumerable times since.
We didn’t plan this final adventure as a family of four, but the real adventures refuse to be planned.
I’m going to use this space to honor Mary Kathryn Zerbey for the rest of my days. Not just to share stories of the past, but to document our adventures as the Zerbey Three. Mary has left this Earth, but not our hearts. She’ll be with us every step of the way.