The healing journey of a widowed, unschooling badass in Delaware.
Jay Bhattacharya and Sten Vermund are passionate, intelligent friends who vehemently disagree on Covid Lockdowns.
In this Soho Forum debate, they respectfully put forth their best arguments. I think the debate is over when Vermund concedes that the Lockdowns were a “desperation measure,” but you may disagree.
After the debate, Bhattacharya went on The Tom Woods Show to break down his performance.
I don’t always know where I end and other people begin.
Everyone has personal shit to deal with, not everyone is engaging with it. I have a friend who is wrestling with weight and motivation issues. He’s a sweet guy who uses humor to cover his hurt. I also see him breaking that pattern and opening up and being vulnerable. He’s honest about his struggles.
I could feel his pain today and tried to help. I tried to encourage him as I see the effort he is putting into self improvement and how the back slides feel like failure.
I concluded with a handshake and reassurance of my presence in helping his journey. I said, “Have a happy New Year,” but I saw his face and knew that it was a big ask. “Please,” I added. Maybe it wasn’t the right word, but I do want that for him and I know that happiness can come in unexpected packages, just as it leaves without notice.
I think I’ll send him a note. “Don’t feel pressure to have a happy anytime. That doesn’t make anything better. Feel your feels. Continue being genuine. You’re wrestling with big demons, they won’t let you enjoy it. Do not forget that you are fighting while others are slaves to their demons.”
The only advice I can give is that which I need to attend to. It’s frustrating to always feel like there are more demons to dredge up from the past, near and far. It’s also the call I have been given from God. I’m blessed with purpose in this life. It’s uncomfortable and painful when empathizing leaves me near tears that don’t feel like my own. It’s the strangest part of me to re-emerge since widowhood. I kind of hate it, but I am more grateful that my true self is being revealed.
God bless you. Have a happy New Year. Please.
As reported on Alex Berenson’s Substack, a new study has disturbing news about the effect of Covid-19 mRNA vaccine boosters.
From the study:
However, the large number of breakthrough infections caused by the Omicron variant indicates that current vaccination regimens do not confer sterilizing protection.
Japan is one of the most boosted countries in the world and is now suffering some of their worst covid outcomes.
In light of these data, it only seems reasonable to put a halt to vaccinations as we gather more information about their impact.
Short of that, we must demand that all mandates are dissolved immediately. It is unconscionable to force people into taking a potentially deleterious drug.
Today felt like a family gathering. We had homemade cookies and nachos and someone brought hot chocolate. We huddled around the fire and caught up with loved ones we haven’t seen in too long.
Disclosure: The links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
Christmas music played and Isaac and I slow danced to Elvis’s “(There’ll Be) Peace In The Valley (For Me).”
The sun shined on our faces and the children seemed totally content without parental interference for hours. I’m not sure it could have been a better day.
When there isn’t a soccer team, start one. When your groups close up for Lockdown, establish a new one. When fellow homeschoolers won’t respect your values of inclusiveness, go elsewhere and build an alternative community.
This is why Delaware Homeschool Buy/Sell/Free Homeschool Stuff was established. I’m not involved in the founding or administration of this new marketplace, but I am a huge proponent of creating spaces where adults can treat each other as such and trust that commerce can happen without a heavy hand of guidance.
Go check it out. Unload some of those educational materials that have been sitting around. Make some money or bless a family with new resources. Find your next favorite science experiment.
I got a cold shower between a midday roll at Elevated Studios and an evening game of indoor soccer.
It was awful, but I have little doubt that it helped me do two of my favorite things in the same day (the first time I’ve attempted this).
I rolled for nearly an hour and played a full 40-minute game. It felt great to give each my full effort.
I have almost everything wrapped and the stockings are ready. I’m not going to know what to with myself Christmas Eve night!
There will be another first this Christmas Eve and morning, at least a first in four years. I won’t be the lone adult in my house.
Kristen will spend the weekend with us and her daughter will join us Christmas afternoon.
It will be the most full Christmas my home has seen since we lost our Mary. I’ve been proud of the last few years and taking on single fatherhood. The excited energy of holidays has been counterbalanced with quiet loneliness.
I’m blessed with a partner who wants to be an integrated part of our lives. Kristen isn’t afraid of our loss or my enduring love for my late wife. She doesn’t want to replace, doesn’t ask me to forget, and always welcomes my memories and tears.
Christmas was Mary’s favorite. I can hardly sort through all her decorations and photos each year, much less put them all to use. I think she would be proud of our scrappy little displays, less scrappy with each year.
It’s a special time in our lives to share her with the wonderful, loving people who surround us.
Or…I hated her for three minutes as I took my first cold shower in months.
It’s very annoying when my impressive friends tell me I’m inspirational, then call me out on my bullshit.
It felt good to get back into the cold. With my activity levels returning back to “Insane,” the cold relaxes my muscles and eases my aches.
Renée got me there, dared me to get back to my uncomfortable routine.
Make friends with impressive people. Watch them. Listen to them. They want the best for you and will show you the way.
Thank you, Renée.
I should have noticed this addiction sooner. I addressed my alcohol addiction honestly and the healing has been miraculous. Many of the same signs were there as I searched for and consumed images and videos to cover uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
Before these revelations, I was talking with a friend about addiction and said, “I stopped using alcohol to fill holes and started to love the places inside me I thought were empty or inadequate.”
Hours later it hit me in hallucinations and visions. The eye-opening was so jarring that I got sick and had to immediately confess to my girlfriend by text just to relieve some of the pain in my gut.
We share a vulnerable and intimate physical life. She had no idea that I could use sex in an anxious way because she had never seen it. Our closeness was one of the excuses I used to pretend I didn’t have a problem, “Porn doesn’t hurt my ability to connect.”
How could I know that? How could I know the pissible depths of connection when I was using sexual gratification as a tool?
Of course, this is like alcohol or any other addiction, stopping the behavior is the first step. Now I have to ask the difficult questions about why I have this anxious relationship with sexual desire. I have to ask who I have hurt or kept at arm’s length because of this addiction. I have to discover the parts of myself I need to heal with love and understanding.
I have been inspired by men who have been open about their struggles with pornography. This is more embarrassing than alcohol addiction or any of my many shortcomings. I pray that my openness may help someone else see his own problem.